90 Days of Grace

I've waited 90 days to write this, 90 days to express my anger, frustration, and sorrow. 90 days to share what an amazing young woman my daughter has become; correction, is. It was very quiet this fall in our household, too quiet. The quietness came about because the activity that would have had us on the go, per usual; was silenced. My daughter is a softball player, an amazing and talented one at that. But due to a series of unfortunate events, she was not allowed to play this fall. Here it was her senior season and she could not play the game she loves and was born to play. It was devastating, to say the least.

The information of the impending situation arrived through a phone call in late May and within days it was evident that things did not look good. I would spend another two weeks trying to find a solution, a saving grace. There was none. What was done was done, paperwork although misfiled, was just that -filed. No turning back the clocks, no do overs. Just a door being shut in our face, turning us away.

She did play summer ball, although each game was a bit more difficult as it brought her closer to the inevitable fact she would not be playing in the fall. I saw her give her all each and every game, the only senior most games; leading and encouraging the younger girls. I know her team and coach appreciated her. The team had success, including a District Championship. She had some amazing plays that weekend, especially that final championship game. It still brings tears to my eyes as I write these words today, because it was that afternoon I truly felt her pain and disappointment, knowing she would not be able to experience those sorts of moments in the fall with her high school team. She shared with me later that day, those same thoughts. She said with each play, she knew she would not be playing much longer; that she was almost done. The girls celebrated that afternoon small and mighty, young; but a solid team of girls who played hard and were then rewarded for their efforts. I can easily say it is one of my favorite moments of the summer of 2013. My daughter played one more weekend after that, but then chose to have her summer season finish a bit early as each and every game became harder and harder to be a part of. The fall came, the start of the high school season. I watched as my daughter attended each and every home game. Sitting in the stands, in a now supporting role. Cheering on her teammates that she should have instead been playing alongside. It hurt both our hearts, but God had a different plan.

With His Help, I Can Cope

SIT QUIETLY WITH ME, letting my fears and worries bubble up to the surface of your consciousness. There, in the Light of My Presence  the bubbles pop and disappear. However, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of teh future. You tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, your decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. What you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me. Those gloomy times that you imagine will not come to pass, since My Presence will be with you at all times.

When a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into the mental image. Say to yourself, "Jesus will be with me then and there. With His help, I can cope!" Then, come home to the present moment, where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence.  ~Jesus Calling (Nov 9)

Luke 12:22-26, Deuteronomy 31:6, 2 Corinthians 10:5

It's hard to not think about the future. And if you are used to hard times, perhaps bad habits from before you truly knew the Lord, looking forward to the future is filled with continued darkness and hard times. But as this says; all those images are false, they are not what will be, for today, tomorrow and always we will be in the company of our loving Lord. He is not saying hard times won't come, that bad things will miss us because we are His. He is saying that we will get through, He will help us get through by giving us the needed strength, wrapping us in His Comfort, protecting us from the strongest blows. He is always going to be beside us, often carrying us when we are just unable to take another step. There have been many times that someone has said to me, "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't do what you do." I smile, most often look up to the heavens and say "God, I would not be able to get through any of this without Him."

I asked Christ into my life when I was 11, and it was just that I understood what he did (for the most part) and I certainly needed a "friend" so I prayed with a counselor at camp and immediately felt a difference, some simple form of hope filled me, giving me momentary strength and courage to go through a given day.  A year later the enemy decided to wreck havoc on my life and I became fearful and unbelieving. How could a God who is loving and there for me, allow the terrible things that were happening in my life. I prayed, I begged God to change the circumstances but it didn't happen. Not quite a decade later, I just walked away. I was broken from years of abuse and I believed the lies of the enemy, and gave up on this "loving God" that had been shared with me those years ago. I made bad choices, terrible choices with my life. I endangered my life with many of those choices. But I am here to tell you that when you accept the truth of who Christ is, what He did for you on that cross. He becomes a part of your life, His Spirit a part of your soul; He isn't gone, no matter how far away you try to get, how much you push away. He is there, watching over you, protecting you; waiting for you, to choose to come home.

I did finally make that choice, I remembered who He was, is and will always be. I understood that He was protecting me all those years ago, for it could have been so much worse. Even when I was living a life so far from Him and making terribly unsafe choices, He continued to watch over me, this rebel child; a true prodigal daughter if you will. Then when I had had enough of Satan's lies, and headed back towards Him,  He opened His arms to me and welcomed me home. I was overwhelmed those first few months, I had done so many horrible things,yet I was being told and understood that He loved me, that He forgave me of each and everything.

Don't give up, don't be angry when life is harder or doesn't seem to be going your way. Trust and have faith that He is right there with you, this moment is just that, a moment; don't forget in trusting your life to Him, You have all eternity to look forward to. Lord forgive our human minds and thank you for loving us and taking care of us, always. Amen