Narrow Path

I wrote this a few years ago, I was really struggling but I wanted God to know that I wasn't going to give up. I would trust, I would have faith. Because it was by this time He had really shown me what a loving and caring God He truly was. I couldn't go back to any of my old ways of being or thinking for that matter.

It sat in a notebook for a very long time and then somewhere along the way, it evolved from a poem to a song that I would just lift up to Him at times of trial and misunderstanding. I needed Him to hear my heart, so I gave Him this psalm, my gift of faith and trust to Him.

Two or three years ago, with the help of a very talented young woman, it finally had music to go with it. I still remember the first time she played the accompaniment, I was shocked, in utter disbelief! Even though I never knew what the music was supposed to sound like, when she played it; I knew it was what the music was supposed to sound like. It was perfect! We soon shared it one morning at church and it was such a wonderful feeling to lift praises to Him and share it with other believers, especially my very own church family.

Tonight, as the election winds to an end, and after seeing what seems to be inevitable - reading so many post on facebook about how its all over and we are basically (pardon me) screwed... I just felt a sense of sadness. A quiet sadness that I used to get and is a lot of what stirred me to write this poem, this psalm.

For those of us who are God fearing - know the end of the story, Christians; what's wrong with us?
Myself included, I can get caught up in all the ugly the next four years most likely will hold, but I would rather get caught up in what comes after that, or during it for that matter. I would rather set might eyes on what His Word tells me to be true, He knows the end of the story. He knew the outcome of this story before a single vote was cast. Remember, it is HIStory. He holds it all in His mighty hands. He holds us all in those same mighty, yet loving hands. I have faith and trust in that. I will praise Him for that, until He takes me home.



I will praise You in the morning,
As the sun reaches across the sky.
I will praise You in the evening,
As the stars fill that same sky.
I will praise You - down on my knees.
I will praise You standing tall.
You are King of Kings,
You are Lord of Lords,
You are Jesus, my One in All.

And you saved my soul, Oh Jesus.
You are the only way.
And you healed my heart, Oh Jesus.
And this is where I want to stay.
Right beside You, on this narrow path.
That You made for me.

I will praise You in my sorrow time,
When darkness closes in.
I will praise You when I'm happy Lord,
Yes I will praise You with this song that I sing.
I will praise You till the end of time.
Yes, I will praise until eternity.
You are King of Kings,
You are Lord of Lords,
Here I am, have all of me.

And you saved my soul, Oh Jesus.
You are the only way.
And you healed my heart, Oh Jesus.
And this is where I want to stay.
Right beside You, on this narrow path.
That You made for me.

The road may be long,
The path makes me weary,
But still I will stay.
Though I seem alone,
I know You are with me,
You are guiding my way

And you saved my soul, Oh Jesus.
You are the only way.
And you healed my heart, Oh Jesus.
And this is where I want to stay.
Right beside You, on this narrow path.
Right beside You, on this narrow path.
That You made, for me.

16 Candles

The above title is oddly deceiving, because it actually represents what has not been seen. 

16 birthday cakes (times 3) 16 jack-o-lanterns (give or take) 16 Christmas trees. 
16 New Years Eves, staying up just late enough to utter those infamous words and bring in another new year that doesn't include you. More than 16 dozen valentines for a house filled with 3 little broken hearts. 
16 Easters and the only thing holding be together is that it didn't take God 16 days to raise His Son from the grave. 16 last days of school, followed by 16 summers of not camping because it hurts too much to be in that environment without you. 16 Fourth of Julys that I push myself through for my kids, because its still exciting and fun for them. It only reminds me of times with you that are no more, causing much more than 16 minutes of tears.

Now lets look at the smaller numbers.
3 talented athletes, with numerous achievements
3 talented musicians, again more accolades
1 Graduation, another on the horizon. And yet another to follow close behind.
1 Wedding, where you should have been the one at her side. 

And for nearly the first time in 16 years, I am angry at you. Truly angry, because your absence has caused so much silent anger and pain. So much turmoil, regret. Tonight I am once again reminded of 16 years of choices I have been  forced to make on my own, with more than 16 bad choices being made, I'm sure.  16 years of wondering why?

16,000 times I cried myself to sleep because I missed you so much my heart didn't just ache, it felt like it was closing in on itself and I could barley breathe. 16,000 times I wanted everything to just stop, all the noise, the pain, everything. 
16,001 times I found the strength to keep going, to move forward and live my life for and with my children. 16,001 times God remind me He is my husband, my lover and the Father of my children. 16,001 times I felt a sense of comfort I know is only found through Him and His Spirit being a part of me.

Im done counting candles for you, and I can't even stay angry for too long. All this - all 16 years of this, is a part of God's plan for me; already written and He knows where he is leading me, where He needs me to be, and He will take me there step by step. 

I have trust and faith in that.

Psalm 139:16 All the days ordained for me, were written in your book, before one of them came to be.