1 Peter 5:7-8a

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be alert and of sober mind.

Oh, how I needed these words this week. After having a really awesome and #empowered first week I got attacked by the enemy and boy did he knocked me for a loop. I had fully intended joining the blog hop this week in celebration of what week one had been for me. Then Monday’s attack came and I was in for a spiritual fight as I let old demons control my thoughts.

I have been a single mom for nearly 18 years and have known the Lord since I was a small child, but it wasn’t until just over a decade ago I truly dedicated my life to having a relationship with Him. This verse is one I have turned to many times.

“Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” and believe me, being a single mom of 4 children is something that can cause a lot of anxiety! Once I learned to give Him those anxious moments, the worries that consumed me, then my days were better. Not always perfect, but at least I got through them, one day; often one moment at a time. In those early years I learned to stop, even if it was in the middle of the day, wherever I may have been and call out to Him in prayer, asking for His guidance, love, grace, and sometimes protection. So once again, that’s what I did Monday night, I prayed, I asked you to pray with me. I needed my spirit calmed so I could process the information I had been given, try to rest, to sleep even. And I did, I give full credit of that fact to our loving God and I am thankful for this new community of women who are most certainly like myself - prayer warriors; fighting similar battles, as well as celebrating triumphs too.

“Be alert” This makes me chuckle just a bit, when I was in high school there was this guy who would always say, “be a lert, the world needs more lerts” J So the word in itself generally brings a smile to my face. But, in all seriousness it is sometimes really difficult to be alert to Him and His calling for me. I often find myself straining to hear His wee small voice, trying to ensure I am living each day according to His will for me. I am often asking Him to guide me along the path He needs me to travel, to take me where I can be best used for His glory. I do the same for my children; I pray that He will speak to them and that they will hear Him and respond accordingly, with full alertness to His Presence in their lives. It’s not always easy to do, at least not for me; my humanness gets the best of me. I fall into old habits and patterns or just get stuck, unable to move forward into His light. I felt that way this past week, I felt disconnected, certainly not alert to what I know He was trying to say to me.

“of sober mind” This phrase has duel meaning for me. As a recovering alcoholic I have learned that you can “not drink” thus being sober; however you can still have the mind of a drunk and for years I most certainly did. Today, having a sober mind means keeping it as clear as I can from the clutter of this world. Free from the chaos around me and most certainly form the lies of the enemy. It means being able to have a clear connection to the Holy Spirit. Monday I got disconnected and stayed that way for the rest of the week. Running circles in my mind, going nowhere except deeper into the pit of worry and fear. Those old demons were laughing and dancing around me. I read through my chapters Thursday night, not noting anything at the time. I just needed to let the words soak in. Today I have gone back to them and their words were able to truly speak to me. 

So as I restart this journey of not craving the foods that make me feel like crud, and craving the God who has healed me once before, I look to Him for wisdom and directing; also asking Him to teach me self control. I realize, perhaps remember is a better word, that God doesn't expect us to get it the first time and He doesn't get angry if we ask for His help a second, third or even forth time, He is happy that we are asking, because if we are asking then we are taking the time to be connected to him, staying sober and alert to His direction for us. 

We all have a past, a list of things that could define us, but God graciously made that list His own when He sent His Son to die for us. We are forgiven, we are set-free, we are accepted, we are holy, we are made new, we are loved, we are close to Him, we are confident, we are victorious; we are healed of all the damage that has been a part of our lives, including that which is self inflicted. So may we not only by our actions but by our hearts, position ourselves to Him. Allow ourselves to come to Him, even if we feel broken, because He created us in His image and even broken, we are beautiful to Him.

So... though I did not start this week #determined I will most certainly end it in that manner. #Determined to take this new found revelation of my needing to be accountable to myself and doing just that, becoming accountable to me. This will be huge, because when I eat, I feel bad, then I'm depressed and then I sit and I don't do anything and my house goes to pot... very quickly I might add. When I'm in a better place, feeling healthy and actually have energy, things get done. My house is cluttered, but clean. I am #determined to stay alert to Him this coming week, keeping my mind and my heart open to craving our glorious God.